Deer In Headlines 2
By Gery Deer
Can you believe it’s already February of 2023? I know it’s been some time, but I’m back at the op-ed desk – although I have no idea for how long. This time around, my column has a different title and a more personal focus. I’m not sure what direction it will take, but my hope is that you find it of some use, even if all it does is give you something to think about. So, since I’m starting over here, I decided to start this new version with a very simple topic: new beginnings. At least I thought it would be simple.
What can be said about new beginnings? First, wouldn’t you have to think about the “old ending?” What came to an end and why? Is it worth leaving where it is, or does it need to be dredged up and dealt with in some new way. Who knows? All we can do is pick up where we are, decide where we want to go, and take that first step, one foot in front of the other.
Author Mary Shelley (yes, of Frankenstein fame) once said, “The beginning is always today.” I would expand that to say, the only moment we have is this one, right here, the one you’re in now. No past, no future, just the “now.” So, “new” beginnings may not be possible since, really, it’s just the beginning of whatever comes next.
After my father died, I felt pretty lost. We were in the middle of the pandemic, July of 2020, and I had been so immersed in his care for the months and years prior to his passing, that the direction I was taking on the other side of it wasn’t really pointing anywhere. I was getting back to work, my friends and family were trying to support me, and I was looking for anything to help me recover who I was without Dad to look after.
When people try to reinvent themselves, often looking for that new beginning, it’s sometimes because they don’t like who they are, or were. But that wasn’t where I stood at the time. I’ve always been pretty comfortable with who I am, but, as they say, life happens and that can throw you. And thrown I was, tossed by circumstances like a cornhole bag, missing the target by a mile.
For several months I suffered from, what I eventually learned was, depression brought on by anticipatory grief and the constant second-guessing of myself with regard to Dad’s care. Oddly, I had never experienced depression before and had a really tough time wrapping my head around the idea. Me? Depressed? Nonsense. I just couldn’t accept it. Forget a new start, I didn’t want anything to do with anyone.
That feeling was completely foreign to me. I had always powered through challenges in my life, and there have been a ton of them. At that point, however, I was hiding on a couch in my basement – so not like me.
What did I do about it? Great question. I wish I had the ideal step-by-step guide to offer you for starting over after major changes that shake you like an 8-point quake on the Richter scale. Unfortunately, I don’t.
What I can tell you is that first, you need to figure out where you stand at the moment. Don’t think about the future, it isn’t written yet, and try very hard to let go of past baggage. You can’t fix what was and what’s to come is entirely of your own making. Your first steps will determine your path and turning left or right at the fork in the road creates your own unique reality. Whatever that reality, though, it’s yours, no one else’s.
New beginnings happen every morning when we roll out of bed, or fall out as is my case most days. I stomp to the bathroom, look in the mirror, and wonder how that old man got my pajamas. Still, it’s a new day, a fresh start, another chance to get it right, or completely blow it. How ever it comes out, at least it’s my choice. And the choice of a new beginning can be yours too.
The Jamestown Comet. 