Great Expectations

Deer In Headlines II

By Gery Deer

Everyone has expectations and they can have a profound effect on how we perceive reality. Unmet expectations can lead to disappointment, hurt feelings, and even anger. Conversely, those we achieve can leave us feeling fulfilled and successful.

Before I go on, it’s important to clarify that expectations are very different from “hopes.” Expectations depend on the actions or responses of others. Hope does not, it’s entirely internal. While they do often occur simultaneously, they are generated by very different aspects of our emotional state. And, since we are dealing with emotions here, there is no standard – expectations affect everyone differently.

Some lead us to create standards by which we expect ourselves and others to live, with the bar raised so high as to be completely unreachable. Sometimes our expectations are entangled with our personal aspirations, either of which can set us up for success, or crush us in the event of failure.

Expectations affect nearly every aspect of our lives, from our professional careers to personal relationships. What we want out of those experiences is often laid out in our minds well in advance. One of the big problems with expectations in any sort of relationship is that everyone has them, and most of the time they reside only in the mind, unshared.

When someone has unspoken expectations of you they set themselves up for disappointment. Not only is it unfair, but also unrealistic. That person is creating the potential for hurt feelings and will likely blame you, even if you did nothing to warrant the ill will. This can be observed when people have unrealistic expectations of how their life should be because they constantly compare it to something else, real or fictional. 

Take, for instance, someone who thinks the experience of dating or marriage should be like something they saw in a romantic comedy or novel. No question they’re in for one heck of a disappointment. But it happens, to men and women alike. Why? In this case, it’s unlikely any of those expectations are ever voiced because let’s face it, they would sound ridiculous.

Creating an environment for unrealized expectations is common in romantic relationships, but also among coworkers, and even between parents and children. Parents may very well inadvertently pass their own life expectations along to their kids. Those who have unfulfilled dreams could, and often do, however unknowingly, lay those expectations on their children.

Imagine a mother who had been a star athlete in high school and college but, for whatever reason, never made it to professional sports. She might, without meaning to, end up pushing her son or daughter into that same field, feeling as though she is simply sharing a positive experience, but instead harboring expectations of the child obtaining that which she failed to achieve. Living vicariously through them, she rediscovers her youth, hoping this time, for better success, even if it’s not hers. 

I was introduced to Charles Dickens’s classic novel, “Great Expectations,” in my sophomore year of high school (thank you Miss Fasbinder).  It is a compelling tale molded around the ambitions of a young orphan named, Philip Pirrip, otherwise known as, “Pip,” whose expectations robbed him of his ability to value much of the good in his life. 

The story follows the young man’s desire to use a chance inheritance to rise above his station and marry the girl of his dreams. No spoilers here, but I will tell you this. The assumptions Pip made early on turned out to be incorrect, not an uncommon mistake for anyone. As it turns out, expectations can be an incredibly powerful source of stress. Constantly trying to hit some arbitrary goal line can drive you crazy. So, how do we avoid all this disappointment? 

First, consider what really makes you happy and practice some gratitude for what you have. Don’t make comparisons and avoid the social media trap of trying to keep up with the perfect life of strangers. When your expectations far outrun your reality, you set yourself up for failure and unhappiness. Next, build up some emotional acceptance. If you’re regularly disappointed by others, it might very well be that your own undeclared expectations are what have let you down.

Fear not the techno-babble

Deer In Headlines II

By Gery Deer

“Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the western spiral arm of the galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun. Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety-two million miles is an utterly insignificant little blue-green planet whose ape-descended life forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea.”

That’s how British writer, Douglas Adams, described us in 1979 at the opening of his book, “The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.” Adams, who was an avid fan of technology, observed quite correctly that Humans, as a species, are pretty proud of their technological advancement, and can’t wait to define themselves by it.

Learning to get the most out of it, however, was another issue entirely. Even more challenging, if you happen to be one of those who choose the simple life of the Luddite, you could be left in the flotsam and jetsam of a digital tsunami.

Regardless of your generation, X, Y, Z, or PDQ, sometimes all this techno-babble can just make you feel … stupid. To start with, there’s the word – technology. It conjures visions of computer screens, smartwatches, and self-driving cars. But when “Hitchhikers” was published, most of that stuff was science fiction. Back then, a typewriter was still the prominent piece of office tech and the hottest new home entertainment was the video cassette recorder (VCR) – and none of us could set the clock.

I remember it well. There it was, that flashing, digital “12:00” that teased and mocked us from our easy chairs, daring only the bravest of the tech-savvy to make it do anything else. Little did we know that those four blinking LCD characters were the innocuous vanguard of a technological invasion soon to consume every first-world ape-descendent in the whole of this little blue-green planet. It would happen fast and in ways that no one could have ever anticipated. Resistance would be futile, even though some still try.

I don’t get why people struggle with technology – not so much its use, but the very idea of it. I used to think it was generational. But some people just refuse, age, education, and intelligence notwithstanding. Admittedly, I come at this from a unique perspective.

Even though I grew up a farm boy, I was always fascinated by advancing technology. I had one of the aforementioned digital watches and even taught myself programming on a Commodore VIC 20 home computer when I was 12. I went to college in engineering and computer science and worked in those fields in my early professional career.

For me, just like a hammer is for a carpenter, a smartphone or tablet computer is just another tool. They provide me with information and help me manage my personal and professional life.

As I get older, I understand how people can be resistant to change. But I’m not wired that way, at least where technology is concerned, I am constantly learning. I have an interest in science, technology, engineering, astronomy, all of it, so adjusting comes pretty easily to me.

Technology also improves medical care, public safety, and education for our kids. We have a responsibility to make it work for us, to apply those technologies that improve our lives, not take them over.

Like the first caveman who used a stick as a tool, eventually, most of us adapt to the tech that we’re forced to use. If you had a VCR and bore any hope of actually using the machine’s most sellable feature, recording TV shows we weren’t home to see, you learned to set the clock.

But it all might just be too much for some people, and, oddly, I kind of get it. Technophobia and digital fatigue are genuine problems, albethey somewhat self-induced. Keep in mind you don’t need every new high-tech gadget just because it’s popular.

To the tech-obsessed, I have one thing to tell you. Your Apple Watch might be cool, but it doesn’t have the answer to life the universe, and everything, so calm down. And, my old analog Timex may not have Bluetooth, but it actually shows the time, unlike the clock on my VCR – which is still flashing twelve.

One Moment, Please.

Deer In Headlines

By Gery L. Deer

It’s been said that times change, but moments don’t. The Cambridge Dictionary defines a moment as an indefinitely short period of time or particular occasion. In life, a moment generally represents an instant we can’t get back, one that we either cherish or regret, depending on its personal significance. Together, the moments we experience weave an intricate tapestry of our past, a delicate collage unique to each of us.

A single moment in life can challenge us forever, define us in completely new terms, open doors, or close the path to opportunities. It can be simultaneously life-changing and heartbreaking, glorious yet gut-wrenching.

We usually take those moments for granted, even when we should be paying more attention. Sadly, we are rarely given advance notice of the importance of any given moment. When a moment in life truly changes us and alters our perception, it’s usually either joyful or tragic, forever burned into our memory and our psyche.

Young children may be the luckiest of us because they live in the moment, constantly meeting the world with new wonder. Even if they don’t appreciate its significance, they experience every minute, the “now,” with unaware abandon. Unfortunately, maturity sometimes robs us of that wonder, replacing it instead with the day-to-day problems of life.

Wouldn’t it be great, though, if we could manage to slow time a bit, live more in the moment like kids, and better recognize the meaning and noteworthiness of one instant? As adults, the trick is first to recover the childlike vision that may have faded. Then we have to learn how to recognize the significance of a mere instant in the whole of our lives.

As they whiz past, like blurry telephone poles along the highway, recognition becomes increasingly difficult. But, while trying to capture the most important moments, we may completely miss them because we’re too busy trying to get a video of it on our mobile devices.

This big, bright, world is presented live, in 3-D, and high definition. Still, we stare through artificial eyes at a 3-inch screen in awe of the events unfolding before us. Unfortunately, while we’re trying to capture a digital memory, we’re missing the nuance of the moment. Genuinely seminal moments deserve our full attention.

It reminds me of people who are constantly snapping pictures during a fireworks display or their child’s school play. I get wanting a quick photo or video clip. But holding the phone up the entire time to watch through a screen minimizes the importance of the moment. Personally, if I’m there, I want to experience and appreciate what’s going on right in front of me.

With all their attention focused on some gadget, they miss the “IRL” visuals, the sounds, the reactions of those around them, and, most importantly, the company. These are meaningful, shared moments that will never come again. By the way, if you’re not up on your text-speak, IRL means “In Real Life.”

Staying in the present can be hard, no matter what we’re doing. A moment cannot be measured on a stopwatch or added as a calendar event. It’s here, you’re in it, then it’s gone, all at once. It’s up to each one of us to determine what it means, hopefully during but, at least after we have experienced it. We all have our own values system for guidance.

So the question remains, how do we create more mindful awareness in our daily lives? How do we appreciate those life-altering moments as they happen? I suppose I could just spout the same stuff you’d find if you Google all the self-help gurus. They’re going to say to do things like slow down, meditate, eat healthier, exercise, take in nature, put away your technology, and so on. There is certainly a place for all that. We should probably be doing all those things anyway.

Instead, I will only say this, paraphrasing one of the prolific producer Norman Lear’s television theme songs. “This is it, this is life, the one you get, so go and have a ball.” And it’s fine to snap a photo, but remember to be in the moment. Be present, put away all the tech, and experience life – IRL.

The Fork in the Road

Deer In Headlines II

By Gery Deer

It’s been said, probably so often as to be cliche, that life is a journey. In my opinion, it’s one with no map and very little direction. Almost from the moment we’re born, when other human beings are making decisions for us, our path is dictated by a series of directional cues. We are constantly confronted with forks in the road, a seemingly endless succession of them. We encounter one after another, each outcome depending on whether we turn left, right, or stay the course. 

With every decision comes an alternate reality, like you’re in a plot-your-own adventure story or the biological component of some if-then-else loop in a logic program. How you proceed is determined by the results of the choices you’ve made. Too bad there isn’t some kind of warning when we go the wrong way, like that irritating buzzer when you touch the sides in a game of Operation. I never could get the funny bone out!

Sometimes figuring out how to make those choices can be pretty fuzzy. That’s especially true when your life is filled with obstacles almost from the moment you leave your mother’s womb. That’s how it was for me. 

I rarely discuss this, but I was born with a long list of birth defects, ranging from hip and pelvic issues to major organ complications. I no sooner hit the air than I was suddenly popped into an isolation crib and studied like a bug in a jar, it even had air holes in it! 

When those forks in the road have “No Outlet” signs on pretty much every option, your previously endless choices are quickly reduced to none. My parents were faced with exactly that situation. They were told from the beginning to be prepared for a long fight. Every decision determined the path of my treatment, some successful, some not so much. Everything about my situation was new, experimental, and risky. 

Young Gery Deer, 1967, in an isolation crib at Grandview Hospital.

I remember my Dad telling me a story about the doctor coming out to see him after I had been moved to a children’s hospital and examined more thoroughly. At the onset, the prognosis was uncertain, to say the least. 

Dad was sitting alone in the waiting room and my mother was still at the hospital across town where I’d been born. Although the overall birth was routine, given my issues, they wanted to keep her there longer. So there he was, my Dad, a strong, hard-working man who hadn’t made a decision without my mother since he was 18 years old, now alone, scared, and exhausted. 

The doctor appeared from the exam area and sat down next to my father to explain the situation as clearly and thoroughly as he could. All estimates were that I wouldn’t walk, I would have lifelong physical and possibly mental debilitation, and, because of the likelihood of infection and limited treatment options, they shouldn’t expect me to survive beyond the age of 5.

Visibly shaken, Dad must have looked like his world was caving in around him. The doctor put a hand on his shoulder and said, plainly, “How much faith do you have?” My father’s response was true to his character – “How much do I need?” Put more simply, what Dad said was, “Let’s do this!”

That was the path Dad and Mom chose, the road they headed down. For them, there was no other choice and they didn’t go tentatively but with the gas pedal on the floor and in high gear. As predicted, it was a long fight, and there were countless surgeries and procedures into my twenties, one experiment after another. But, as you can see, I made it past age 5, by a half-century, actually. 

And I’m here and able to share this story because my parents made choices in extraordinary circumstances of a kind I can’t even fathom but for which I will be forever grateful. Before my parents died, I had to make very similar kinds of life-changing decisions for their care as they had made for me. The moral of all of this story is that your journey isn’t complete and the only one who can really choose the correct path for you is you!

Old Endings and New Beginnings

Deer In Headlines 2

By Gery Deer

Can you believe it’s already February of 2023? I know it’s been some time, but I’m back at the op-ed desk – although I have no idea for how long. This time around, my column has a different title and a more personal focus. I’m not sure what direction it will take, but my hope is that you find it of some use, even if all it does is give you something to think about. So, since I’m starting over here, I decided to start this new version with a very simple topic: new beginnings. At least I thought it would be simple.

What can be said about new beginnings? First, wouldn’t you have to think about the “old ending?” What came to an end and why? Is it worth leaving where it is, or does it need to be dredged up and dealt with in some new way. Who knows? All we can do is pick up where we are, decide where we want to go, and take that first step, one foot in front of the other. 

Author Mary Shelley (yes, of Frankenstein fame) once said, “The beginning is always today.” I would expand that to say, the only moment we have is this one, right here, the one you’re in now. No past, no future, just the “now.” So, “new” beginnings may not be possible since, really, it’s just the beginning of whatever comes next. 

After my father died, I felt pretty lost. We were in the middle of the pandemic, July of 2020, and I had been so immersed in his care for the months and years prior to his passing, that the direction I was taking on the other side of it wasn’t really pointing anywhere. I was getting back to work, my friends and family were trying to support me, and I was looking for anything to help me recover who I was without Dad to look after. 

When people try to reinvent themselves, often looking for that new beginning, it’s sometimes because they don’t like who they are, or were. But that wasn’t where I stood at the time. I’ve always been pretty comfortable with who I am, but, as they say, life happens and that can throw you. And thrown I was, tossed by circumstances like a cornhole bag, missing the target by a mile. 

For several months I suffered from, what I eventually learned was, depression brought on by anticipatory grief and the constant second-guessing of myself with regard to Dad’s care. Oddly, I had never experienced depression before and had a really tough time wrapping my head around the idea. Me? Depressed? Nonsense. I just couldn’t accept it. Forget a new start, I didn’t want anything to do with anyone.

That feeling was completely foreign to me. I had always powered through challenges in my life, and there have been a ton of them. At that point, however, I was hiding on a couch in my basement – so not like me. 

What did I do about it? Great question. I wish I had the ideal step-by-step guide to offer you for starting over after major changes that shake you like an 8-point quake on the Richter scale. Unfortunately, I don’t.

What I can tell you is that first, you need to figure out where you stand at the moment. Don’t think about the future, it isn’t written yet, and try very hard to let go of past baggage. You can’t fix what was and what’s to come is entirely of your own making. Your first steps will determine your path and turning left or right at the fork in the road creates your own unique reality. Whatever that reality, though, it’s yours, no one else’s. 

New beginnings happen every morning when we roll out of bed, or fall out as is my case most days. I stomp to the bathroom, look in the mirror, and wonder how that old man got my pajamas. Still, it’s a new day, a fresh start, another chance to get it right, or completely blow it. How ever it comes out, at least it’s my choice. And the choice of a new beginning can be yours too.

Beaver Creek Wetlands Association Volunteer Rally offers opportunities, outdoors and in.

Beaver Creek Wetlands Association will hold a Volunteer Rally on Sunday, February 25^th, 2023, at 10:00 A.M. at Peace Lutheran Church, 3530 Dayton Xenia Rd. in Beavercreek. The event is intended to provide information and answer questions for those interested in volunteer opportunities with the organization. Registration is now open (click here) and current volunteers are encouraged to bring a friend.

Beaver Creek Wetlands Association is a member-supported, non-profit organization established in 1988 and works to protect and restore wetlands and other natural areas in the Beaver Creek watershed in Greene County, Ohio. Since it was founded, the organization has preserved and protected more than 2,400 acres of land.

According to staff, volunteers are the backbone of BCWA efforts to care for this diverse ecosystem while simultaneously educating the community about the role it plays in maintaining clean drinking water. This Volunteer Rally will give people a better understanding of the opportunities offered and how they can partner their skills with the needs of the wetlands to benefit the entire community.

“This event is a great opportunity for those interested in volunteering with us,” said Beth Edsall, Outreach Director. “Participants will have a chance to talk to the land management team, committee heads, and other volunteers and learn more about different ways they can make a difference to this vital part of our environment.”

For the leaders in our community, BCWA offers many opportunities on their board of directors and various committees. Educators will enjoy helping with hikes and programs geared toward all age groups. For those who love gardening, many opportunities include seed collection, planting, and invasive plant removal. A lifelong learner might want to help the environment. Volunteers can also learn a variety of new skills, like plant identification and driving a tractor.

Opportunities are mostly for adults, but BCWA also offers options for youth organization projects, such as 4-H or scout projects, as well as high school and college students in need of service hours. Most volunteer positions are for outdoor tasks, but there are several indoor opportunities available.

For more information please visit www.beavercreekwetlands.org.

GCPH to conduct community focus groups to develop a plan to address healthy eating and active living policies through HEAL grant funds.

XENIA, OH – Greene County was awarded a 1-year mini-grant called Healthy Eating, Active Living (HEAL). The focus of this grant is to build capacity for healthy eating and active living policies within various Greene County communities. The grant cycle, which runs from July 1 – June 30, will focus on the jurisdictions of Fairborn, Xenia, and Jamestown.

The first step in the process is to complete a Policy, Systems, and Environmental Change Assessment, reviewing the current policies in each jurisdiction to identify gaps and opportunities. The results of the assessment will later be shared with members of the community to better understand the priorities of that community and work to develop and implement strategies that directly address those priorities. Community engagement is all about ensuring that those most impacted by challenges and inequities have an equal voice in designing and implementing solutions.

Currently, each community is conducting focus groups to explore this subject and begin to come up with a plan to implement those strategies. If you live in one of these communities, you are invited to participate in one of these free events.

Refreshments will be served at each event.

Jamestown

• January 24, 6:00pm – Jamestown Community Library, 86 Seaman Drive, Jamestown

Xenia

• January 26, 1:00pm – Xenia YMCA, 336 Progress Drive, Xenia

• January 31, 6:00pm – Xenia Community Library, 76 E. Market St., Xenia

Fairborn

• February 13, 1:00pm – Fairborn Community Library, 1 E. Main St., Fairborn

• March 1, 5:30pm – Abiding Christ Lutheran Church, 326 E. Dayton-Yellow Springs Rd., Fairborn

These events are open to the residents of each community. Should you have questions about the focus groups, please contact Loressa Gonyer at lgonyer@gcph.info or call her at 937-374-5655.

Beavercreek Chamber of Commerce Announces 2022 Annual Award Winners.

Beavercreek Chamber of Commerce Annual Meeting and Awards was held on November 17, at Mills Park Hotel in Yellow Springs, Ohio. Chamber CEO Wendy Rodgers, opened the event by reflecting on the success of the past year and recognized valuable community partners, expressing the organization’s vision moving forward into 2023.   

“We have some amazing members in our chamber and the award selection was a challenge this year,” Rodgers said. “I’m grateful for the support and participation of all of our award winners and we hope recognition will encourage more participation in the chamber and the business community we serve.” 

The Annual Award Winners for 2022 are as follows: 

(Pictured left to right)

Chamber Volunteer of the Year – Jessica Miller, TrueNorth Global Training Institute 
Awarded to an individual who is active and engaged with the Beavercreek Chamber of Commerce. A member who has performed exemplary acts to promote the mission of the chamber throughout the year. 

Chamber Young Professional of the Year – Matt Peck, Atomi Financial 
Awarded to a member in good standing, between the ages of 21 and 40. One who is active and engaged with the Beavercreek Chamber, looking to strengthen and enhance their leadership abilities. 

Outstanding Chamber Business of the Year – Back to Business I.T. 
An active and engaged member of the Beavercreek Chamber of Commerce, located in Beavercreek as well as positively impacted the Beavercreek business community. 

Gussie Jones Civic Award – Beaver Creek Wetlands Association 
Awarded to an individual or organization having performed outstanding service for the betterment of the Beavercreek Community.  Must possess characteristics including honesty, sincerity, and integrity.  

Military Award (In Memory of Ret. Col. Len Holihan) – Ret. Col. Rafi Rodriguez, Rodriguez Financial 
Awarded to an individual or organization, also a member of the Beavercreek Chamber who has enhanced the relationship between the Beavercreek Community and the military.  

E.G. Shaw Lifetime Achievement Award – Don Adams (not pictured)
Awarded to an individual who has exemplified the character and memory of E.G. Shaw: service to others, characteristics including honesty, sincerity, and integrity. One who has performed outstanding service for the betterment of the Beavercreek Community. 

The event also featured the premier presentation of the Beavercreek Chamber’s first Business Development Grant, funded in part by BCC Annual Gold Sponsor, Back To Business IT. “The purpose of the grant is to provide business capital and promote growth through increased capacity, the addition of a new venture, or to fund other expansion,” Rodgers said. “We hope to increase the amount of the grant and support more local companies each year.” 

The first recipient of the Beavercreek Chamber of Commerce Business Development Grant is Patrick Stilwell for his company, 937 Home Inspection. Stilwell applied for the grant to purchase the necessary training and equipment to conduct radon gas measurements with his current home inspections.  This grant will allow him to be able to begin this process, increasing his profit per inspection by just over 24 percent.  Additionally, the funds will allow the company to serve clients more comprehensively, retain more revenue within the City of Beavercreek, and create a safer community by detecting this harmful gas sooner for residents. 

BCC GRANT AWARD 2022 WINNER – Patrick Stilwell, 937 Home Inspection

Rodgers also officially announced the promotion of Operations Manager Chris McClure to Vice President in recognition of his dedication and service since taking the job in 2021. “Chris is my right hand,” Rodgers said. “I don’t think we would be where we are today without his hard work, and the promotion is well deserved.” 

For more information on the annual awards, and the Business Development Grant, or to join the Beavercreek Chamber of Commerce, go online to www.beavercreekchamber.org. 
 

Street Fair Returns to Downtown Yellow Springs, Ohio October 8

July 26, 2022 – Yellow Springs, OH – The Yellow Springs, Ohio Chamber of Commerce invites the public to Experience Yellow Springs with the return of the Yellow Springs Street Fair from 9 AM to 5 PM on Saturday, October 8th, 2022. The popular event will feature two music stages, a beer garden, live street performers, more than 200 vendors, and a wide variety of unique shops and restaurants in the beautiful village of Yellow Springs. The street fair is free and open to the public.

Registration is now open for craft and food vendors, as well as music and entertainment providers. Downtown businesses will be given booth space options close to their shops and other local vendors will have preferential location options as well. But space is limited, and deadlines are approaching. The local vendor registration deadline is July 31^st, and the overall vendor registration deadline is August 29^th.

Prior to the pandemic, Yellow Springs Street Fair has been held twice a year, spring and fall, attracting as many as 15,000 visitors in a single day to the small Greene County village. “After 2 ½ years and 5 canceled street fairs, the Chamber is excited to welcome back this classic Yellow Springs event,” said Jason Bailey, Vice President of the Yellow Springs Chamber of Commerce Board of Directors. “Our team and the Village of Yellow Springs are diligently planning to ensure a safe return of Street Fair with hopes that it provides the opportunity to experience the art, culture, and community of Yellow Springs!”

Primary logistical support for the street fair is being spearheaded by the event staff of Mills Park Hotel in Yellow Springs. The new co-owner of the hotel is Ryan Aubin, a member of the Yellow Springs Chamber of Commerce Board of Directors. “We are thrilled to see such an important event return to downtown Yellow Springs,” Aubin said. “I’m honored to be a sponsor and that our staff has the opportunity to help bring it back, hopefully, better than ever. We hope people will come and make the event as successful as it was before so it can continue.”

Organizers are also asking for volunteers to assist with set-up, tear-down, and festival operation throughout the day. Positions are available all day, from 6AM until 6PM, with short, flexible, shifts. Volunteers receive a free Street Fair t-shirt, and a ticket for one beer or two non-alcoholic drinks at our beer garden.

For more information, visit yellowspringsohio.org, or contact the Yellow Springs Chamber of Commerce Event Team by email at info@ysstreetfair.com or call (937)-767-2686.

A great day to be outside.

This was the scene today at Shawnee Lake in Jamestown. It was a warm day of around 82 and windy, but everyone was out enjoying the lake.