Great Expectations

Deer In Headlines II

By Gery Deer

Everyone has expectations and they can have a profound effect on how we perceive reality. Unmet expectations can lead to disappointment, hurt feelings, and even anger. Conversely, those we achieve can leave us feeling fulfilled and successful.

Before I go on, it’s important to clarify that expectations are very different from “hopes.” Expectations depend on the actions or responses of others. Hope does not, it’s entirely internal. While they do often occur simultaneously, they are generated by very different aspects of our emotional state. And, since we are dealing with emotions here, there is no standard – expectations affect everyone differently.

Some lead us to create standards by which we expect ourselves and others to live, with the bar raised so high as to be completely unreachable. Sometimes our expectations are entangled with our personal aspirations, either of which can set us up for success, or crush us in the event of failure.

Expectations affect nearly every aspect of our lives, from our professional careers to personal relationships. What we want out of those experiences is often laid out in our minds well in advance. One of the big problems with expectations in any sort of relationship is that everyone has them, and most of the time they reside only in the mind, unshared.

When someone has unspoken expectations of you they set themselves up for disappointment. Not only is it unfair, but also unrealistic. That person is creating the potential for hurt feelings and will likely blame you, even if you did nothing to warrant the ill will. This can be observed when people have unrealistic expectations of how their life should be because they constantly compare it to something else, real or fictional. 

Take, for instance, someone who thinks the experience of dating or marriage should be like something they saw in a romantic comedy or novel. No question they’re in for one heck of a disappointment. But it happens, to men and women alike. Why? In this case, it’s unlikely any of those expectations are ever voiced because let’s face it, they would sound ridiculous.

Creating an environment for unrealized expectations is common in romantic relationships, but also among coworkers, and even between parents and children. Parents may very well inadvertently pass their own life expectations along to their kids. Those who have unfulfilled dreams could, and often do, however unknowingly, lay those expectations on their children.

Imagine a mother who had been a star athlete in high school and college but, for whatever reason, never made it to professional sports. She might, without meaning to, end up pushing her son or daughter into that same field, feeling as though she is simply sharing a positive experience, but instead harboring expectations of the child obtaining that which she failed to achieve. Living vicariously through them, she rediscovers her youth, hoping this time, for better success, even if it’s not hers. 

I was introduced to Charles Dickens’s classic novel, “Great Expectations,” in my sophomore year of high school (thank you Miss Fasbinder).  It is a compelling tale molded around the ambitions of a young orphan named, Philip Pirrip, otherwise known as, “Pip,” whose expectations robbed him of his ability to value much of the good in his life. 

The story follows the young man’s desire to use a chance inheritance to rise above his station and marry the girl of his dreams. No spoilers here, but I will tell you this. The assumptions Pip made early on turned out to be incorrect, not an uncommon mistake for anyone. As it turns out, expectations can be an incredibly powerful source of stress. Constantly trying to hit some arbitrary goal line can drive you crazy. So, how do we avoid all this disappointment? 

First, consider what really makes you happy and practice some gratitude for what you have. Don’t make comparisons and avoid the social media trap of trying to keep up with the perfect life of strangers. When your expectations far outrun your reality, you set yourself up for failure and unhappiness. Next, build up some emotional acceptance. If you’re regularly disappointed by others, it might very well be that your own undeclared expectations are what have let you down.

Let Your Light Shine Again

Deer In Headlines II

By Gery Deer

Insecurity affects people in different ways, from a simple annoyance to debilitating anxiety. It can be especially jarring when you were just there, doing your thing, and then, out of the blue, something rocks your confidence. Insecurity generally occurs when we compare ourselves to others, giving in to the ridiculous and constantly varying standards set by society.

The 1942 children’s book, “The Little Red Lighthouse and the Great Gray Bridge,” by Hildegarde H. Swift and Lynd Ward, has been an inspiration to children around the world. Myself included. I learned to read very early because of this book but, for me, its influence was far more literacy. The story itself, one of self-worth and perseverance, was also something to which I gravitated.

“The Little Red Lighthouse and the Great Gray Bridge,” is a simple story about a real lighthouse that sits on the banks of the Hudson River in New York City. As described in the book, “It was round and fat and red. It was fat and red and jolly. And it was very, very proud.”

Anthropomorphized in the story, the Lighthouse’s self-confidence stemmed from its own sense of importance in keeping boats safe along the river. Every night it flashed – one second on, two seconds off, with a big fog bell outside that clanged, “warning,” during bad weather.

The Lighthouse was originally built in 1889 as the North Hook Beacon, in Sandy Hook, New Jersey. In 1917, the lighthouse was shut down, but it wasn’t quite finished working yet. Four years later, it was moved to its current location in Manhattan’s North Washington Park in an effort to improve navigational support along the river.

Early in 1927, however, work began on the great span of the George Washington Bridge, directly behind the Lighthouse. By 1948 it was felt the bridge lighting overcast any need for the smaller light on the river and The Little Red Lighthouse was extinguished – seemingly forever.

Paralleled in the story, when the Lighthouse saw the large beam of light from atop the tower of the Great Gray Bridge, it was left feeling small, insignificant, and unimportant. At the same time, something had delayed the man who came every night to turn on the light. The Lighthouse felt abandoned and no longer needed.

Later, as a terrible storm came in, the Bridge called down, “Little Brother, where is your light?” The Bridge explained its duty to the ships of the air, but the Lighthouse was still important to safeguard the boats. Eventually, the caretaker arrived and turned on the gas, allowing the Lighthouse’s beam to shine brightly once more.

In reality, the Lighthouse was slated for demolition. But, in 1951, thanks to the popularity of the children’s book, an unprecedented public outcry to preserve The Little Red Lighthouse led the U.S. Coast Guard to deed it to the New York Department of Parks and Recreation. Nearly three decades later, it was added to the National Register of Historic Places and eventually designated a protected landmark of New York City.

Now safe in the shadow of the Bridge, the Lighthouse story’s simple message of self-worth was one that has resonated with people for more than 70 years. We all need it to feel relevant and valued but anyone can suffer from insecurity at some point. 

Like the Lighthouse, any of us can be unsure of our place in the world, comparing ourselves to those around us who seem bigger and better. Feeling irrelevant can be devastating.

That feeling, caused or fueled by deeply-rooted insecurity can sabotage the confidence of even the most self-assured person. And, sometimes we need a “Big Brother,” like the Bridge, or someone else we admire or respect to hold a mirror up for us so we can see our real value. That’s something my own Big Brother has done since I was very small, and, even as an adult, I still turn to him sometimes for that reassurance.

No matter how insignificant we may feel sometimes we all have something to offer. Just remember the courage of “The Little Red Lighthouse,” look for that one spark of inspiration, and, as the Bridge said to the Lighthouse, “let your light shine again.”

Fear not the techno-babble

Deer In Headlines II

By Gery Deer

“Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the western spiral arm of the galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun. Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety-two million miles is an utterly insignificant little blue-green planet whose ape-descended life forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea.”

That’s how British writer, Douglas Adams, described us in 1979 at the opening of his book, “The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.” Adams, who was an avid fan of technology, observed quite correctly that Humans, as a species, are pretty proud of their technological advancement, and can’t wait to define themselves by it.

Learning to get the most out of it, however, was another issue entirely. Even more challenging, if you happen to be one of those who choose the simple life of the Luddite, you could be left in the flotsam and jetsam of a digital tsunami.

Regardless of your generation, X, Y, Z, or PDQ, sometimes all this techno-babble can just make you feel … stupid. To start with, there’s the word – technology. It conjures visions of computer screens, smartwatches, and self-driving cars. But when “Hitchhikers” was published, most of that stuff was science fiction. Back then, a typewriter was still the prominent piece of office tech and the hottest new home entertainment was the video cassette recorder (VCR) – and none of us could set the clock.

I remember it well. There it was, that flashing, digital “12:00” that teased and mocked us from our easy chairs, daring only the bravest of the tech-savvy to make it do anything else. Little did we know that those four blinking LCD characters were the innocuous vanguard of a technological invasion soon to consume every first-world ape-descendent in the whole of this little blue-green planet. It would happen fast and in ways that no one could have ever anticipated. Resistance would be futile, even though some still try.

I don’t get why people struggle with technology – not so much its use, but the very idea of it. I used to think it was generational. But some people just refuse, age, education, and intelligence notwithstanding. Admittedly, I come at this from a unique perspective.

Even though I grew up a farm boy, I was always fascinated by advancing technology. I had one of the aforementioned digital watches and even taught myself programming on a Commodore VIC 20 home computer when I was 12. I went to college in engineering and computer science and worked in those fields in my early professional career.

For me, just like a hammer is for a carpenter, a smartphone or tablet computer is just another tool. They provide me with information and help me manage my personal and professional life.

As I get older, I understand how people can be resistant to change. But I’m not wired that way, at least where technology is concerned, I am constantly learning. I have an interest in science, technology, engineering, astronomy, all of it, so adjusting comes pretty easily to me.

Technology also improves medical care, public safety, and education for our kids. We have a responsibility to make it work for us, to apply those technologies that improve our lives, not take them over.

Like the first caveman who used a stick as a tool, eventually, most of us adapt to the tech that we’re forced to use. If you had a VCR and bore any hope of actually using the machine’s most sellable feature, recording TV shows we weren’t home to see, you learned to set the clock.

But it all might just be too much for some people, and, oddly, I kind of get it. Technophobia and digital fatigue are genuine problems, albethey somewhat self-induced. Keep in mind you don’t need every new high-tech gadget just because it’s popular.

To the tech-obsessed, I have one thing to tell you. Your Apple Watch might be cool, but it doesn’t have the answer to life the universe, and everything, so calm down. And, my old analog Timex may not have Bluetooth, but it actually shows the time, unlike the clock on my VCR – which is still flashing twelve.

One Moment, Please.

Deer In Headlines

By Gery L. Deer

It’s been said that times change, but moments don’t. The Cambridge Dictionary defines a moment as an indefinitely short period of time or particular occasion. In life, a moment generally represents an instant we can’t get back, one that we either cherish or regret, depending on its personal significance. Together, the moments we experience weave an intricate tapestry of our past, a delicate collage unique to each of us.

A single moment in life can challenge us forever, define us in completely new terms, open doors, or close the path to opportunities. It can be simultaneously life-changing and heartbreaking, glorious yet gut-wrenching.

We usually take those moments for granted, even when we should be paying more attention. Sadly, we are rarely given advance notice of the importance of any given moment. When a moment in life truly changes us and alters our perception, it’s usually either joyful or tragic, forever burned into our memory and our psyche.

Young children may be the luckiest of us because they live in the moment, constantly meeting the world with new wonder. Even if they don’t appreciate its significance, they experience every minute, the “now,” with unaware abandon. Unfortunately, maturity sometimes robs us of that wonder, replacing it instead with the day-to-day problems of life.

Wouldn’t it be great, though, if we could manage to slow time a bit, live more in the moment like kids, and better recognize the meaning and noteworthiness of one instant? As adults, the trick is first to recover the childlike vision that may have faded. Then we have to learn how to recognize the significance of a mere instant in the whole of our lives.

As they whiz past, like blurry telephone poles along the highway, recognition becomes increasingly difficult. But, while trying to capture the most important moments, we may completely miss them because we’re too busy trying to get a video of it on our mobile devices.

This big, bright, world is presented live, in 3-D, and high definition. Still, we stare through artificial eyes at a 3-inch screen in awe of the events unfolding before us. Unfortunately, while we’re trying to capture a digital memory, we’re missing the nuance of the moment. Genuinely seminal moments deserve our full attention.

It reminds me of people who are constantly snapping pictures during a fireworks display or their child’s school play. I get wanting a quick photo or video clip. But holding the phone up the entire time to watch through a screen minimizes the importance of the moment. Personally, if I’m there, I want to experience and appreciate what’s going on right in front of me.

With all their attention focused on some gadget, they miss the “IRL” visuals, the sounds, the reactions of those around them, and, most importantly, the company. These are meaningful, shared moments that will never come again. By the way, if you’re not up on your text-speak, IRL means “In Real Life.”

Staying in the present can be hard, no matter what we’re doing. A moment cannot be measured on a stopwatch or added as a calendar event. It’s here, you’re in it, then it’s gone, all at once. It’s up to each one of us to determine what it means, hopefully during but, at least after we have experienced it. We all have our own values system for guidance.

So the question remains, how do we create more mindful awareness in our daily lives? How do we appreciate those life-altering moments as they happen? I suppose I could just spout the same stuff you’d find if you Google all the self-help gurus. They’re going to say to do things like slow down, meditate, eat healthier, exercise, take in nature, put away your technology, and so on. There is certainly a place for all that. We should probably be doing all those things anyway.

Instead, I will only say this, paraphrasing one of the prolific producer Norman Lear’s television theme songs. “This is it, this is life, the one you get, so go and have a ball.” And it’s fine to snap a photo, but remember to be in the moment. Be present, put away all the tech, and experience life – IRL.

The Fork in the Road

Deer In Headlines II

By Gery Deer

It’s been said, probably so often as to be cliche, that life is a journey. In my opinion, it’s one with no map and very little direction. Almost from the moment we’re born, when other human beings are making decisions for us, our path is dictated by a series of directional cues. We are constantly confronted with forks in the road, a seemingly endless succession of them. We encounter one after another, each outcome depending on whether we turn left, right, or stay the course. 

With every decision comes an alternate reality, like you’re in a plot-your-own adventure story or the biological component of some if-then-else loop in a logic program. How you proceed is determined by the results of the choices you’ve made. Too bad there isn’t some kind of warning when we go the wrong way, like that irritating buzzer when you touch the sides in a game of Operation. I never could get the funny bone out!

Sometimes figuring out how to make those choices can be pretty fuzzy. That’s especially true when your life is filled with obstacles almost from the moment you leave your mother’s womb. That’s how it was for me. 

I rarely discuss this, but I was born with a long list of birth defects, ranging from hip and pelvic issues to major organ complications. I no sooner hit the air than I was suddenly popped into an isolation crib and studied like a bug in a jar, it even had air holes in it! 

When those forks in the road have “No Outlet” signs on pretty much every option, your previously endless choices are quickly reduced to none. My parents were faced with exactly that situation. They were told from the beginning to be prepared for a long fight. Every decision determined the path of my treatment, some successful, some not so much. Everything about my situation was new, experimental, and risky. 

Young Gery Deer, 1967, in an isolation crib at Grandview Hospital.

I remember my Dad telling me a story about the doctor coming out to see him after I had been moved to a children’s hospital and examined more thoroughly. At the onset, the prognosis was uncertain, to say the least. 

Dad was sitting alone in the waiting room and my mother was still at the hospital across town where I’d been born. Although the overall birth was routine, given my issues, they wanted to keep her there longer. So there he was, my Dad, a strong, hard-working man who hadn’t made a decision without my mother since he was 18 years old, now alone, scared, and exhausted. 

The doctor appeared from the exam area and sat down next to my father to explain the situation as clearly and thoroughly as he could. All estimates were that I wouldn’t walk, I would have lifelong physical and possibly mental debilitation, and, because of the likelihood of infection and limited treatment options, they shouldn’t expect me to survive beyond the age of 5.

Visibly shaken, Dad must have looked like his world was caving in around him. The doctor put a hand on his shoulder and said, plainly, “How much faith do you have?” My father’s response was true to his character – “How much do I need?” Put more simply, what Dad said was, “Let’s do this!”

That was the path Dad and Mom chose, the road they headed down. For them, there was no other choice and they didn’t go tentatively but with the gas pedal on the floor and in high gear. As predicted, it was a long fight, and there were countless surgeries and procedures into my twenties, one experiment after another. But, as you can see, I made it past age 5, by a half-century, actually. 

And I’m here and able to share this story because my parents made choices in extraordinary circumstances of a kind I can’t even fathom but for which I will be forever grateful. Before my parents died, I had to make very similar kinds of life-changing decisions for their care as they had made for me. The moral of all of this story is that your journey isn’t complete and the only one who can really choose the correct path for you is you!

Old Endings and New Beginnings

Deer In Headlines 2

By Gery Deer

Can you believe it’s already February of 2023? I know it’s been some time, but I’m back at the op-ed desk – although I have no idea for how long. This time around, my column has a different title and a more personal focus. I’m not sure what direction it will take, but my hope is that you find it of some use, even if all it does is give you something to think about. So, since I’m starting over here, I decided to start this new version with a very simple topic: new beginnings. At least I thought it would be simple.

What can be said about new beginnings? First, wouldn’t you have to think about the “old ending?” What came to an end and why? Is it worth leaving where it is, or does it need to be dredged up and dealt with in some new way. Who knows? All we can do is pick up where we are, decide where we want to go, and take that first step, one foot in front of the other. 

Author Mary Shelley (yes, of Frankenstein fame) once said, “The beginning is always today.” I would expand that to say, the only moment we have is this one, right here, the one you’re in now. No past, no future, just the “now.” So, “new” beginnings may not be possible since, really, it’s just the beginning of whatever comes next. 

After my father died, I felt pretty lost. We were in the middle of the pandemic, July of 2020, and I had been so immersed in his care for the months and years prior to his passing, that the direction I was taking on the other side of it wasn’t really pointing anywhere. I was getting back to work, my friends and family were trying to support me, and I was looking for anything to help me recover who I was without Dad to look after. 

When people try to reinvent themselves, often looking for that new beginning, it’s sometimes because they don’t like who they are, or were. But that wasn’t where I stood at the time. I’ve always been pretty comfortable with who I am, but, as they say, life happens and that can throw you. And thrown I was, tossed by circumstances like a cornhole bag, missing the target by a mile. 

For several months I suffered from, what I eventually learned was, depression brought on by anticipatory grief and the constant second-guessing of myself with regard to Dad’s care. Oddly, I had never experienced depression before and had a really tough time wrapping my head around the idea. Me? Depressed? Nonsense. I just couldn’t accept it. Forget a new start, I didn’t want anything to do with anyone.

That feeling was completely foreign to me. I had always powered through challenges in my life, and there have been a ton of them. At that point, however, I was hiding on a couch in my basement – so not like me. 

What did I do about it? Great question. I wish I had the ideal step-by-step guide to offer you for starting over after major changes that shake you like an 8-point quake on the Richter scale. Unfortunately, I don’t.

What I can tell you is that first, you need to figure out where you stand at the moment. Don’t think about the future, it isn’t written yet, and try very hard to let go of past baggage. You can’t fix what was and what’s to come is entirely of your own making. Your first steps will determine your path and turning left or right at the fork in the road creates your own unique reality. Whatever that reality, though, it’s yours, no one else’s. 

New beginnings happen every morning when we roll out of bed, or fall out as is my case most days. I stomp to the bathroom, look in the mirror, and wonder how that old man got my pajamas. Still, it’s a new day, a fresh start, another chance to get it right, or completely blow it. How ever it comes out, at least it’s my choice. And the choice of a new beginning can be yours too.

Good Night, and Good Luck. The final installment of “Deer In Headlines.”

This edition of Deer In Headlines marks if you’ll pardon the dramatics, the end of an era, at least for me. The question I’ve been asked most often since announcing the end of the series is, “So what will you do now?”

Let me start by saying while an important part of my work over the last decade, this column is not all I’ve been doing, not by a longshot. I’ve run an ad agency, written thousands of published pieces on everything from public relations to marketing, and given lectures and workshops about the media and writing all around the region. I’ve covered a lot of ground and struggled with how best to say goodbye and then it occurred to me.

It has always been my goal to have readers to take something useful from my writings and I don’t want this final installment to be any different. Since it represents several hours a week in research and writing, in the hope of having a positive influence on the thoughts and lives of anyone I can reach, leaving this column behind is a big change for me.

For some people, change is the enemy, it throws them off their game and causes chaos and, for much of my life, it was the same for me. But in recent years, change has become more of a companion that walks through life with me, always nudging me in the side to never be complacent or stagnant either in my actions or my convictions.

We may not like it, but change is the natural order of things. Nothing stays the same for very long. As they say, “to everything there is a season,” and rather than fighting those changes, we should embrace them. It’s not easy, but it makes life more interesting and far less stressful.

It’s easy to see how change affects people in simple ways, like when a child graduates from high school or you move to a new town. We get caught up in happiness and sadness all at the same time, it twists our emotions and forces us to face new challenges and differences in our day-to-day lives. Of course, there are negative changes too, and we have to take the good with the bad. That’s just life.

We grow accustomed to how things are in our world and we’re thrown when it alters. We all know that person who has to have a cup of coffee at a certain time of day, with a specific amount of sugar, or just the right drop of cream. If those kinds of things aren’t met with an exacting order, he or she cannot function. The more flexible you are, the more enjoyable your life. Otherwise, you’re in a constant state of stress.

With that, I’ll take you back to the question of what I will be doing next. It is definitely a time of even more change for me. I’ve recently accepted a position as vice president of communications and public relations with a social internet company. That and caring for my father takes up most of my work time, but I have other projects as well.

I’m still doing television and writing for the print and online media from time to time. I’m concentrating my writing time on my fitness blog, The Old Nerd in The Gym (www.oldnerdinthegym.com). I’m hoping my work helps others who are new to fitness and more healthy living.

Life goes on and new challenges await. I’m just getting started. And that’s how you should feel today too. Treat every day as bringing new opportunity to learn, grow, and achieve, regardless of how great or small the accomplishment and embrace that change! Your future isn’t written yet, so get out there and make it a good one!

With that, it’s time for Deer In Headlines to pass into the newspaper archives. Thank you for indulging me every week and, whether you agreed with me or not, I hope you got something useful or insightful from my ramblings. So, I’ll borrow a classic sign off from a news hero of mine, Edward R. Murrow, and simply say Good Night, and Good Luck.

Can’t we all just get along?

With only two issues of Deer In Headlines remaining, I felt that one of them should be dedicated to a discussion about civility and the destructive nature of hate. In short, we must try to get along better, regardless of political, religious, or socioeconomic differences.

Over the last few years, our country has become severely divided. There is a level of anger, hate, and mistrust out there now, the likes of which haven’t been seen since before the Civil War. Back then the division was primarily focused on slavery and states’ rights, but today Americans are arguing about a laundry list of issues from immigration to gun control.

Not that these topics haven’t caused discourse in the past, but now it’s fueled by an alarmingly, and continually advancing, level of anger and hatred. The radical right has become sickeningly intolerant to the point of disgust and the liberal left has grown increasingly less “liberal.” I mean you simply can’t say, “I’m liberal, and we love everyone, so long as they agree with everything we say.” Doesn’t work that way.

President Donald Trump took advantage of this divide and used it to gain traction in his run for the White House. Now, he waffles back and forth, blustering on Twitter about how great he is, while alienating even his own base at times with his ridiculous rants. Democrats turn their noses up at him and his cronies and their flagrant hypocrisy, all while crying in their soup about how he got this far in American government. Well, Dems, I’ll tell you who put him there, you did.

Political viewpoints have become so foggy that no one can tell who is for what anymore. The reason Trump won the presidential election wasn’t his winning personality, or Russian hacking, or anything else. It was because the Democratic base was so splintered and stubborn over Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders that they couldn’t just get behind one of them and move on.

That’s right Dems, as I have written before, you handed the White House to Donald on a silver platter. Remember that primaries and midterms happen this year and any failure to weaken Trump’s hold in Congress is totally in your hands. All you have to do is get out and vote!

All of that said, we must be able to return to a level of productive, constructive discourse. We should be able to disagree and have informed, intelligent debate on a topic instead of a bickering match. What’s the point of discussion with no purpose except to out-scream everyone else?

Much of the problem comes from the extremist mentalities once relegated to the fringe but which now seem to be in the majority. There is nothing wrong with liberals and conservatives cooperating for a common good. We can disagree yet still work toward the betterment of our society – but that doesn’t seem to be possible right now.

We are dealing with mass shootings made possible by the bizarre need of a tiny few to own military-grade machine guns should be something we can all agree is nuts. But that doesn’t seem to be the case. Instead, our country is overwhelmed by people obsessed with these weapons and backed by a massively powerful gun lobby from the NRA. Clearly, money is more important to these people than our kids.

Execution of warped immigration policies based on ignorance and hate that mistreat productive members of society rather than helping them with a path to proper citizenship. We should be rewarding people for feeling our country is a safe home for their families, not punishing them. It’s all ridiculous.

The long and short of it is that we must find a way to get along better. If we don’t learn to dial back the extremism and let cooler, more diplomatic heads rule, our country is in big trouble. So, for what it’s worth, I think we’re capable of doing better.

But all of that requires that each of us learns to be more compassionate, more tolerant, and more thoughtful. Since I won’t be around to poke you in the side after next week, remember to be good to each other.

Rounding up a decade of Deer In Headlines

Deer In Headlines
By Gery L. Deer

I wasn’t quite sure how to start this week’s edition except to just come out with it. The week of April 30, 2018, will be the final print edition of Deer In Headlines. After 10 years, it’s time for me to focus on something new. I greatly appreciate the loyalty of my readers and the opposing views and letters of praise I’ve received over the years. If just one person each week looked at the world just a little differently and appreciated anything new, I’ve accomplished my goal.

I started this column to offer my readers a look at subjects from all sides, rarely giving a hint of my personal opinion, although it was evident when I chose for it to be.  But today clear, logical viewpoints no longer have value. People seem to listen only to blowhards, the ignorant, and people who would rather spew hate than kindness. That’s why I have decided to focus on more positive projects, out of the public eye.

This is not a decision I’ve come to lightly, in fact, I have waivered numerous times in my deliberations about it. Over the last decade, I’ve offered a look at politics, religion, education, science, family, and even given you a glimpse into my personal life as I cared for my parents.

We live in volatile times and some have argued that now is when we need a clearer, more rational voice in the media. They may be right, but mine is simply not loud enough to be heard above all the noise of anger, fear, and ignorance out there.

There is a lot of negativity out there and I have worked hard to bring you thoughtful content. I’ve always hoped you’d take away something from the effort, even if, especially if, you didn’t agree with me.

I’ve always said I like to surround myself with smart people who disagree with me because it means I am forced to examine my own convictions, and I hope I’ve done that for you from time to time. If you’ve enjoyed my work, thank you. I appreciate your time and loyalty. If you haven’t, then I’m not sure why you’re even reading this, but, thank you anyway.

For more than 500 editions and in some 360,000 words, I have shared my observations of the world around us. I’ve found that most people are good and decent and try to do their best to improve the world around them. I’ve also seen some ugly things in researching these pieces, information I kind of wish I had never learned. As they say, ignorance is bliss, but I’m afraid I don’t operate that way.

I will continue my work quietly, however, in the background, making a difference by other means. I serve on charitable boards of directors, care for my family, and work to affect change in more concrete ways.

The world is a mess and our country is too, but I can’t do anything about it in the rail column of a newspaper because the people who could make a difference simply don’t want to listen. Still, as ugly as it can seem at times, the world is also a beautiful place, one of a kind – a spinning ball of life making its way around the sun, year after year, as our galaxy moves through the vast emptiness of space.

It was here millions of years before us, and it’ll be here millions of years after we’ve gone. We are but renters and if I were the landlord, I wouldn’t give back the deposit. But that’s a discussion for another time.

As you can see, I’m not done with my opinions quite yet and there are two editions to go. Over the next couple of weeks, I’ll be summing up the last decade in a look back at a few of my predictions for politics, newsmakers, and various other areas I’ve touched on over the years. I hope you’ll join me in these last editions, and thank you again.

A Half-Century and Counting

Deer In Headlines
By Gery L. Deer

At the end of September this year, I will celebrate my 50^th birthday. It’s funny how you don’t notice the years flying by until there’s a milestone like this to make you stop and reflect on them. No, turning a half-century old is nothing new, until it happens to you. Then, it’s a big deal.

On my last birthday, I decided to figure out a way to commemorate the passage of the year leading to my 50th. Now, only days away, and I wonder what I’ve accomplished this year which begs the question, what do we do with our time? How does it slip away so easily, so unnoticed in the lightning pace of our modern lives?

Even the simplest moments, often the most important, go right past us without so much as a footnote in the mental journal of our day. I wanted to make sure I remembered at least some of this past year so I made it a point to do something new every day that I wouldn’t have done otherwise. I didn’t exactly manage something every single day, but I did make some major changes in my life that have had much more of an effect than I ever anticipated.

In order to accomplish anything in our lives, we have to set a reasonable and measurable goal. I know, that sounds like something off some high school career lecture, but it’s valid. I’ve never cared much for the word “goal,” but we do need to have something to aim for or we can’t work toward it.

As I mentioned at the beginning of this piece, I wanted to remember the last year in as many ways as I could. One of my goals was to improve my health and that meant a great alteration of my day-to-day lifestyle, which had actually begun a few years ago when I stepped back from things like soda and junk food.

From there, I started an exercise program that culminated in my becoming an endurance cyclist, accomplishing both a 100-kilometer and 100-mile bike ride, respectively, over the summer. In preparing for these events, I improved my stamina, respiratory function, muscle tone and overall health – and I’m still going. From couch potato to athlete in just a few months, and there was nothing easy about it.

At this point in life, if you’re paying attention at all, you probably have a better grasp on just how much drama you will put up with as well. I know I have. I can’t even describe how many people I know close to my age who have yet to shake out all the dead wood from their lives.

I’m referring to those negative people that always seem to have disaster following them, primarily of their own making, and want you to solve their problems for them. You can’t. Nothing you do will change who they are and how they drive their own lives – walk away.

When people straight out of college demand salaries and respect akin to those twice their elder and greater experienced it’s a sad state. At the same time, I’ve met a great many older people for whom I have little respect, for one reason or another.

Contrary to what younger folks might say, at 50, we’re not quite doddering, forgetful seniors, ready for the walker and rocking chair, although that’s what most Millennials probably think. In my case, I’m in the best physical condition of my life, I have a better understanding of who I am than ever before and those around me are benefiting from my achievements.

To me, what matters most is how my life to date has prepared me for all that comes next 50. There’s still a lot to do and I have no intention of sitting by and letting the world fly by, not that I ever did that before.

People say I’m over the hill, maybe they’re right. But, Charles Schultz, the creator of, “Peanuts,” once said, “Just remember, once you’re over the hill you begin to pick up speed.” Couldn’t agree more! I have more to do in the next half-century.

Gery L. Deer is an independent columnist and business writer. More at gerydeer.com.