What’s your superpower?

Deer In Headlines II

By Gery L. Deer

Look, up in the sky! It’s a bird, it’s a plane! It’s … you? Believe it or not, we all have a superpower, sometimes more than one. Our superpowers are talents, our inborn abilities, enhanced by education, practice, and life experience.

When you ask a kid what superpower they’d like to have, most say, the ability to fly. The next most popular response is super strength, followed closely by X-Ray vision. I honestly don’t remember what I wanted my superpower to be when I was a child, but if you ask me now, the answer would probably be different. As with many things, our perception and understanding of such concepts tend to change as we get older and, theoretically, wiser.

Recruiters often ask the superpower question to screen job candidates. Whenever I was asked this question in an interview, I always thought it was a trick, some kind of nonsense question to throw you off guard. But the question can actually serve several purposes.

In one instance, the interviewer is trying to learn how well you understand your own strengths and weaknesses. Your response will require you to think more creatively about the question and that, in itself, may demonstrate something about how your mind works.

On the other hand, a recruiter may want to know more about what you’d really like to do and whether you’re suited to a particular job. If you answer, “flying,” for example, you’re probably someone who is willing to take a risk, work to the best of your ability, or enjoy looking at things from different perspectives.

If superspeed is your choice, then the recruiter might conclude that you have a good sense of time management and efficiency. But it’s important to be as honest and clear about your answer as possible and choose the simplest response. There are probably deeper, more involved psychological reasons for the question, but that’s a general idea.

Apart from the human resources application of the concept, the fact is, each of us really does have a unique set of gifts, innate talents, or, for want of a better word, superpowers. Every day we either exploit or ignore those abilities, choosing one way or the other based on what life presents.

Some people learn what their superpowers are at an early age. But for others, identifying your superpower can be a challenge. Talent is often unquantifiable because it might not be academic, artistic, or fall on any other measurable scale. Talents based on emotion, originating from psychological awareness, or driven by faith may not have obvious applications. But with a little effort and some guidance their value will be revealed.

A highly empathetic person might make a good counselor or nurse, while people who are good at deduction would be great problem solvers, police officers, or researchers. Unfortunately, not all applications of these talents are productive. Someone who understands how to manipulate the emotions of others could easily take advantage of them in more nefarious ways. Confidence artists, or “con artists,” for instance, use these skills to scam money from unwitting victims.

Oddly, I was one of those people who had a tough time locating my own superpowers. From a young age, my parents encouraged me to follow my interests, whether it was artistic, academic, or musical. While I had some innate talent in various areas, I wasn’t always interested in the things that I did well.

It wasn’t until I was well out of college that I found where my superpowers resided. The thing is if we’re growing, so are our talents, always improving and adapting to what life throws at us. What I think my superpowers are today would likely not match what I might have wished for as a kid.

It took me a long time to, first, be comfortable enough with who I am to allow myself to appreciate my talents. And then learn to apply them to help myself, my family, and my community. Just remember, there’s no right answer to, “What’s your superpower?” It’s a never-ending battle for personal truth, self-confidence, and the American dream, whatever that is to you. Just do your best and remember that with great power, comes great responsibility.

Life and Grief

Deer In Headlines II

By Gery Deer

Most people don’t have to grieve the loss of a loved one until after that person has passed away. But family caregivers who look after someone with a degenerative disease like Alzheimer’s, ALS, or Parkinson’s, may face grief in a very different, and sometimes far more painful way.

A psychologist will tell you under normal conditions, people dealing with grief will progress through a number of stages: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and finally Acceptance. We generally get hung up on one or more along the way until we can emotionally work through them, either on our own or with professional help.

I first learned the science behind grief in high school and college psychology classes, but not like I would understand it later in life. Up to that point, I had experienced grief like most people – by dealing with the death of a family member, the loss of a job, or whatever life tossed my way. But later, while caring for my mother as she declined from the ravages of Alzheimer’s disease, I was struck with how differently grief manifests itself for someone whose loved one is slowly being ripped away.

In my experience what makes grief different for a caregiver is how the grieving process seems to reset as a disease like Parkinson’s progresses through various stages. As your loved one suffers physical and cognitive decline, your understanding of their status has to be adjusted accordingly.

For example, early on, my father could no longer bathe himself and, not long after, even taking a drink from a cup was a major challenge. You say to yourself, “OK, this is how it’s going to be now,” once you’ve accepted some level of decline. You grieve the loss of the previous status, knowing things are getting worse.

Gary Deer Sr. attends a Parkinson’s boxing class with Gery at Drake’s Gym in Dayton, OH in 2019.

Five minutes later, you notice something else that’s gone downhill or altered in some way. There is no set rate for when to expect these changes in your loved one’s health and they can come on rapidly. That means you barely get the chance to wrap your head and emotions around each state of change before you’re dealing with three more simultaneously.

Knowing there is no happy ending at the end of this story, you face constant adjustment and acceptance which are exhausting both mentally and emotionally. All this turmoil adds up to something called, “anticipatory grief,” which is exactly what it sounds like; you’re mourning the person as the disease progresses, anticipating their eventual death.

None of this is generally a conscious thought process. After my mother’s passing, I understood it better, and that, at least, helped me cope with my father’s decline several years later. But until I realized all of this, I was just angry all the time. I was frustrated at why dad couldn’t remember how to sit down in the a properly, or just use a spoon, but 10 minutes earlier it hadn’t been a problem. Things literally changed on the fly.

In my case, the difference between caring for Mom vs. Dad is that my mother’s Alzheimer’s disease removed any expectation in my mind of her being cognitively aware enough to help herself. She had no clue what was going on around her, so it was slightly easier to adjust because she didn’t push back. Dad’s mental state was usually pretty good, so he pushed back – a lot. And I kind of got it; it’s tough to spend your life being the one taking care of everyone else and suddenly you feel like a helpless burden.

It really bothered my dad to need help with anything, like standing up from a chair, or that we had to restrict things like coffee because the caffeine aggravated his symptoms. As his condition changed, we tried to counter each new phase with alternative ways to keep him comfortable and safe while dealing with altered symptoms.

I don’t know how to tell you to deal with anticipatory grief. Everyone copes differently. Being aware of it can help a bit. If you’re caring for someone who is slipping away, spend what time you can with them. Be there with them, be present, and be kind to them and especially to yourself.

PUBLISHER NOTE: If you or someone you know is a caregiver, visit http://www.theoldnerdinthegym.com for resources, a podcast, and other information that might help.

Ohio’s Spring Severe Weather Awareness Week: March 19 – 25, 2023

GREENE COUNTY, OH – March 16, 2023 – When it comes to severe weather, it is never too early to start preparing. Ohio is not a stranger to severe weather, including tornadic activity in the early months of the year. Greene County Public Health will recognize Ohio’s Spring Severe Weather Awareness Week, March 19-25, 2023.  Residents are reminded to prepare for severe weather before it happens. Hazardous conditions can occur anytime and anywhere without advance notice.

As part of Severe Weather Awareness Week, Emergency Preparedness Coordinator, Kim Caudill, urge schools, businesses, and residents to practice their preparedness skills in the event of a severe storm. “Severe weather and disasters are a certainty, and your family may not be together when something happens. Ohio’s Spring Severe Weather Awareness Week is the perfect time to learn what disasters might affect you. Now is the time to ‘Get a Kit, Make a Plan, and Be Prepared’. How you survive depends on what you do before the event, not after”, said Caudill.

Most recently, The National Weather Service (NWS) has confirmed four tornadoes touched down in the state of Ohio on the afternoon of Monday, Feb. 27. Two EF 1 tornadoes were confirmed to have touched down in the Miami Valley: one just northwest of Middletown in Butler County and another north of New Carlisle in Clark County. NWS also confirmed two EF 0 tornadoes: one in Licking County and one in Pickaway County.

Two of the major tornadoes that tore through the area are unfortunately names a lot of residents know all too well: The Xenia Tornado of 1974 and The 2019 Memorial Day Tornadoes.

It is never too soon to prepare for severe weather of any kind since it can strike at any time. There are steps you can take to keep you and your loved ones safe.

One of the most important preventative things you can do ahead of the storm is to locate and designate a safe spot for tornadoes or other severe weather activity.

If you find yourself in severe weather, you are encouraged to go inside and follow the acronym “D.U.C.K.“:

• If there is an approaching storm that is a severe storm, you should get down to the lowest level of the building or your home. If you are not home and, in a vehicle, or outside with nowhere to go, it is
  recommended to either seek a building, stay in your car with your seatbelt on, or even get in the lowest part of the area outside of your vehicle, even if it is a ditch.
• When you are on the lowest level as you can be, if you are able to, you should safely get under something sturdy, like a basement staircase or a heavy table. 
• Finally, cover your head and keep in your safe spot until the storm has passed.

Ms. Caudill encourages residents to be prepared for all types of severe weather, not just tornadoes, by following these important safety procedures:

Know the Risk – Learn and understand the different types of weather hazards facing Greene County.  The top hazards can be found on our website. You can also download our Greene County Emergency Preparedness Guide, which is a handbook for the entire family featuring information on how to make a plan, types of emergencies we could face in Greene County, and much more, with areas to take notes and includes personal information that is critical in an emergency.

Know the Weather Terms – Know the difference between storm watches and storm warnings. For example, a tornado watch is issued by the National Weather Service when conditions are favorable for the development of tornadoes in and close to the area. A tornado warning is issued by the NWS when a tornado has been detected by radar or sighted by storm spotters.

Receive Notifications – Register online with Nixle to receive severe weather alerts and important information that can keep you and your family safe. It can be found here: https://local.nixle.com/county/oh/greene/. Residents are encouraged to have an NOAA Weather Radio and tune into TV or radio newscasts for up-to-date weather information.

Have a Plan/Build a Kit – Develop and practice an emergency plan with your family and include your pets. Know how to communicate and have a designated safe meeting place.  Build an emergency supply kit.  Be sure to include enough food, water, and other supplies in sufficient quantity to last for at least 72 hours. 

For more information about emergency preparedness, please call 937-374-5627 or email kcaudill@gcph.info. You can also visit the website at www.gcph.info.  

Great Expectations

Deer In Headlines II

By Gery Deer

Everyone has expectations and they can have a profound effect on how we perceive reality. Unmet expectations can lead to disappointment, hurt feelings, and even anger. Conversely, those we achieve can leave us feeling fulfilled and successful.

Before I go on, it’s important to clarify that expectations are very different from “hopes.” Expectations depend on the actions or responses of others. Hope does not, it’s entirely internal. While they do often occur simultaneously, they are generated by very different aspects of our emotional state. And, since we are dealing with emotions here, there is no standard – expectations affect everyone differently.

Some lead us to create standards by which we expect ourselves and others to live, with the bar raised so high as to be completely unreachable. Sometimes our expectations are entangled with our personal aspirations, either of which can set us up for success, or crush us in the event of failure.

Expectations affect nearly every aspect of our lives, from our professional careers to personal relationships. What we want out of those experiences is often laid out in our minds well in advance. One of the big problems with expectations in any sort of relationship is that everyone has them, and most of the time they reside only in the mind, unshared.

When someone has unspoken expectations of you they set themselves up for disappointment. Not only is it unfair, but also unrealistic. That person is creating the potential for hurt feelings and will likely blame you, even if you did nothing to warrant the ill will. This can be observed when people have unrealistic expectations of how their life should be because they constantly compare it to something else, real or fictional. 

Take, for instance, someone who thinks the experience of dating or marriage should be like something they saw in a romantic comedy or novel. No question they’re in for one heck of a disappointment. But it happens, to men and women alike. Why? In this case, it’s unlikely any of those expectations are ever voiced because let’s face it, they would sound ridiculous.

Creating an environment for unrealized expectations is common in romantic relationships, but also among coworkers, and even between parents and children. Parents may very well inadvertently pass their own life expectations along to their kids. Those who have unfulfilled dreams could, and often do, however unknowingly, lay those expectations on their children.

Imagine a mother who had been a star athlete in high school and college but, for whatever reason, never made it to professional sports. She might, without meaning to, end up pushing her son or daughter into that same field, feeling as though she is simply sharing a positive experience, but instead harboring expectations of the child obtaining that which she failed to achieve. Living vicariously through them, she rediscovers her youth, hoping this time, for better success, even if it’s not hers. 

I was introduced to Charles Dickens’s classic novel, “Great Expectations,” in my sophomore year of high school (thank you Miss Fasbinder).  It is a compelling tale molded around the ambitions of a young orphan named, Philip Pirrip, otherwise known as, “Pip,” whose expectations robbed him of his ability to value much of the good in his life. 

The story follows the young man’s desire to use a chance inheritance to rise above his station and marry the girl of his dreams. No spoilers here, but I will tell you this. The assumptions Pip made early on turned out to be incorrect, not an uncommon mistake for anyone. As it turns out, expectations can be an incredibly powerful source of stress. Constantly trying to hit some arbitrary goal line can drive you crazy. So, how do we avoid all this disappointment? 

First, consider what really makes you happy and practice some gratitude for what you have. Don’t make comparisons and avoid the social media trap of trying to keep up with the perfect life of strangers. When your expectations far outrun your reality, you set yourself up for failure and unhappiness. Next, build up some emotional acceptance. If you’re regularly disappointed by others, it might very well be that your own undeclared expectations are what have let you down.

Let Your Light Shine Again

Deer In Headlines II

By Gery Deer

Insecurity affects people in different ways, from a simple annoyance to debilitating anxiety. It can be especially jarring when you were just there, doing your thing, and then, out of the blue, something rocks your confidence. Insecurity generally occurs when we compare ourselves to others, giving in to the ridiculous and constantly varying standards set by society.

The 1942 children’s book, “The Little Red Lighthouse and the Great Gray Bridge,” by Hildegarde H. Swift and Lynd Ward, has been an inspiration to children around the world. Myself included. I learned to read very early because of this book but, for me, its influence was far more literacy. The story itself, one of self-worth and perseverance, was also something to which I gravitated.

“The Little Red Lighthouse and the Great Gray Bridge,” is a simple story about a real lighthouse that sits on the banks of the Hudson River in New York City. As described in the book, “It was round and fat and red. It was fat and red and jolly. And it was very, very proud.”

Anthropomorphized in the story, the Lighthouse’s self-confidence stemmed from its own sense of importance in keeping boats safe along the river. Every night it flashed – one second on, two seconds off, with a big fog bell outside that clanged, “warning,” during bad weather.

The Lighthouse was originally built in 1889 as the North Hook Beacon, in Sandy Hook, New Jersey. In 1917, the lighthouse was shut down, but it wasn’t quite finished working yet. Four years later, it was moved to its current location in Manhattan’s North Washington Park in an effort to improve navigational support along the river.

Early in 1927, however, work began on the great span of the George Washington Bridge, directly behind the Lighthouse. By 1948 it was felt the bridge lighting overcast any need for the smaller light on the river and The Little Red Lighthouse was extinguished – seemingly forever.

Paralleled in the story, when the Lighthouse saw the large beam of light from atop the tower of the Great Gray Bridge, it was left feeling small, insignificant, and unimportant. At the same time, something had delayed the man who came every night to turn on the light. The Lighthouse felt abandoned and no longer needed.

Later, as a terrible storm came in, the Bridge called down, “Little Brother, where is your light?” The Bridge explained its duty to the ships of the air, but the Lighthouse was still important to safeguard the boats. Eventually, the caretaker arrived and turned on the gas, allowing the Lighthouse’s beam to shine brightly once more.

In reality, the Lighthouse was slated for demolition. But, in 1951, thanks to the popularity of the children’s book, an unprecedented public outcry to preserve The Little Red Lighthouse led the U.S. Coast Guard to deed it to the New York Department of Parks and Recreation. Nearly three decades later, it was added to the National Register of Historic Places and eventually designated a protected landmark of New York City.

Now safe in the shadow of the Bridge, the Lighthouse story’s simple message of self-worth was one that has resonated with people for more than 70 years. We all need it to feel relevant and valued but anyone can suffer from insecurity at some point. 

Like the Lighthouse, any of us can be unsure of our place in the world, comparing ourselves to those around us who seem bigger and better. Feeling irrelevant can be devastating.

That feeling, caused or fueled by deeply-rooted insecurity can sabotage the confidence of even the most self-assured person. And, sometimes we need a “Big Brother,” like the Bridge, or someone else we admire or respect to hold a mirror up for us so we can see our real value. That’s something my own Big Brother has done since I was very small, and, even as an adult, I still turn to him sometimes for that reassurance.

No matter how insignificant we may feel sometimes we all have something to offer. Just remember the courage of “The Little Red Lighthouse,” look for that one spark of inspiration, and, as the Bridge said to the Lighthouse, “let your light shine again.”

Fear not the techno-babble

Deer In Headlines II

By Gery Deer

“Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the western spiral arm of the galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun. Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety-two million miles is an utterly insignificant little blue-green planet whose ape-descended life forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea.”

That’s how British writer, Douglas Adams, described us in 1979 at the opening of his book, “The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.” Adams, who was an avid fan of technology, observed quite correctly that Humans, as a species, are pretty proud of their technological advancement, and can’t wait to define themselves by it.

Learning to get the most out of it, however, was another issue entirely. Even more challenging, if you happen to be one of those who choose the simple life of the Luddite, you could be left in the flotsam and jetsam of a digital tsunami.

Regardless of your generation, X, Y, Z, or PDQ, sometimes all this techno-babble can just make you feel … stupid. To start with, there’s the word – technology. It conjures visions of computer screens, smartwatches, and self-driving cars. But when “Hitchhikers” was published, most of that stuff was science fiction. Back then, a typewriter was still the prominent piece of office tech and the hottest new home entertainment was the video cassette recorder (VCR) – and none of us could set the clock.

I remember it well. There it was, that flashing, digital “12:00” that teased and mocked us from our easy chairs, daring only the bravest of the tech-savvy to make it do anything else. Little did we know that those four blinking LCD characters were the innocuous vanguard of a technological invasion soon to consume every first-world ape-descendent in the whole of this little blue-green planet. It would happen fast and in ways that no one could have ever anticipated. Resistance would be futile, even though some still try.

I don’t get why people struggle with technology – not so much its use, but the very idea of it. I used to think it was generational. But some people just refuse, age, education, and intelligence notwithstanding. Admittedly, I come at this from a unique perspective.

Even though I grew up a farm boy, I was always fascinated by advancing technology. I had one of the aforementioned digital watches and even taught myself programming on a Commodore VIC 20 home computer when I was 12. I went to college in engineering and computer science and worked in those fields in my early professional career.

For me, just like a hammer is for a carpenter, a smartphone or tablet computer is just another tool. They provide me with information and help me manage my personal and professional life.

As I get older, I understand how people can be resistant to change. But I’m not wired that way, at least where technology is concerned, I am constantly learning. I have an interest in science, technology, engineering, astronomy, all of it, so adjusting comes pretty easily to me.

Technology also improves medical care, public safety, and education for our kids. We have a responsibility to make it work for us, to apply those technologies that improve our lives, not take them over.

Like the first caveman who used a stick as a tool, eventually, most of us adapt to the tech that we’re forced to use. If you had a VCR and bore any hope of actually using the machine’s most sellable feature, recording TV shows we weren’t home to see, you learned to set the clock.

But it all might just be too much for some people, and, oddly, I kind of get it. Technophobia and digital fatigue are genuine problems, albethey somewhat self-induced. Keep in mind you don’t need every new high-tech gadget just because it’s popular.

To the tech-obsessed, I have one thing to tell you. Your Apple Watch might be cool, but it doesn’t have the answer to life the universe, and everything, so calm down. And, my old analog Timex may not have Bluetooth, but it actually shows the time, unlike the clock on my VCR – which is still flashing twelve.